tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84062229354521667872024-02-19T09:07:05.002-08:00Conquered Captiveshamdeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17902508082777962938noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406222935452166787.post-60208080223587616532012-03-30T23:19:00.000-07:002012-03-31T00:08:22.826-07:00Grateful for the Pit<h3>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The sun shall be no more your light by day, nor for brightness shall the moon give you light; </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>but the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The sun shall be no more go down, nor your moon withdraw itself; </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of mourning shall be ended.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Isaiah 60.19-20</i></blockquote>
</h3>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You let go. You surrender. You quit.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All is said and done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You've come to the end of your rope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The mountain grew bigger than you can climb.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The path is longer than you can walk.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The time takes longer than you can wait.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The pit is so deep it drowns you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The cave is a close friend you want to dwell with.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The furnace is too hot it melted, burned and consumed all of you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The darkness is all over, you long for a spark of light.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pressed.Persecuted.Struck down.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Love is almost lost.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Faith is becoming weak.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hope is gone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Helpless.Motionless.Hopeless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Without hope, we will wither and die.<br />With hope, we can "soar high on wings like eagles" (Isaiah 40.31)<br />This is cliché. I recalled.<br />Take away your hope and you take away your life. <br />Cliché again. <br />I have made friends with pain, suffering and hope that is deferred during the last eight months.<br /><br />The only reason you and I continue to get out of bed each morning is that we believe this day can be better than the last.<br />But during that day, I don't want to get out of my bed to start anew.<br />God promised me of new things to come. He promised me of the SPRING season.<br />Yet I am unsure to believe and hope once again.<br />I can't bear another disappointment, failure, disgrace or pain. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A phone call. A job interview.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Expectant yet not so hopeful,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I talked to Him with all the hope that I felt was left,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">if there was any.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">March 27, 2012 10:54 am (Journal Entry)</span><br />
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dear Lord,</span></i></h4>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It's been a while. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I know you've seen everything: my every step, my every tear, my every spark of hope.</span></i></h4>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I decided to stay silent. I'm trying to shut doors but You still crept in. You waited. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You are faithful when at many times I am not, chose not to or decided not to. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for being patient with me. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For guiding and blessing me when all I intend to do is to hurt and grieve You. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I may have not told You all things, did not mention a single word, </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">yet I know You know it all and controlled it all. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I may seem obedient on the outside yet I am rebellious on the inside. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You know very well that I hated the things that are uncertain and beyond my control, understanding or reason. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yet You brought me to a point, place and time where I HAVE NO OTHER OPTION BUT YOU, </span></i></h4>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and for that, I will always be grateful. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for the process of refinement that took almost my whole year. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for the grace to move forward and surrender when there's no mercy for bail out. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for Your presence when I'm at the furnace and being heated like seven times in my life. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for the security that is found only in Your personhood, Jesus. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for the strength when I have nothing left of my might. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for keeping me as the apple of Your eye-for that comfort that I've always rejected and overlooked. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for always saving me from myself. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for Your timing is always right. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for the people You placed in my life to encourage when all I want to do is get rid of them and escape their presence. Bless them double. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for the days of emptiness where I found out that You are my everything. </span></i></h4>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Nothing and no one can fill me like You did. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for being my Lord, my Savior, my God, my Portion, my Cup, my Redeemer, my Reward. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You that when I have nothing else, I have You and it will always be enough. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You will always be enough. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for being with me all throughout my winter season and will be with me as I face this spring. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">May I always recount the things that You did and may You always receive the glory for it. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank You for taking the glory out of me and making me see, realize and remember that it is always and will always be Yours. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I ask of You to awake my soul, awake my soul for the things yet to come, for the things You want me to do, and for the people You want me to bless. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I will hold on just another day or two. </span></i></h4>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">March is not yet finished and I will run the last four days with You. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I will hold on to You who holds me. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">While I'm waiting, I will serve You.While I'm waiting, I will worship. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">While I'm waiting, I will not faint, I'll be running the race.Even while I wait. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You are my light and my glory and I know You are just making my paths straight. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I know that as I wait for You, I am made more faithful. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You know me and You know better than I do. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Show me how I should live this, show me where I should walk. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I count my world as lost to me.You are all I want. You are all I want. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Make this spring real to me as Your love is real to me everyday.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Love,</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Shamdee </span></i></h4>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><b>"Prepare your fields for the rain, Shamdee.<br />Go in the strength and wisdom that you have.<br />I am always before You."</b></i><br />I heard Him speak.</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Indeed, God was with me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">During the interview, I only had one question.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Boss: When can you start, Shamdee?<br /> Can you start tomorrow?<br />Shamdee: Tomorrow, Ma'am? As in?</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>I realized that it was too late to quit and it is too early to quit.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It was not by chance that my boss is a Christian.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It was no coincidence that the project was approved this March.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It was never an accident that she hired me this March and did not defer it until April.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It was not serendipity that the job will be overwhelming for me yet I am trusted for it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All things are planned. (Jeremiah 29.11)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All things are orchestrated. (Psalm139.16)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All things are beautiful in His time. (Ecclesiastes 3.11)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All things work for the good of those who love Him and does the will of His Father. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">(Romans 8.28)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">March 28, 2012 8:00am </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am in my new world made of </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">bigger mountains, longer paths and waiting times, deeper pits, darker caves, hotter furnace and overwhelming darkness yet I will fix my eyes on my Everlasting God who is my light and my glory.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am made new. For His mercies are new every morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With Him, I can finish this race and finish it well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With Him, I can fight the good fight of faith.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With Him, I am more than a conqueror.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Love is renewed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Faith is strengthened.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hope is found. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">His salvation is everyday. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Jesus came to rescue us from ourselves each and every waking moment of our lives.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Keep being faithful and you will come to a place where God not only lifts you up but keeps you up." -Joel Osteen (on Joseph the Dreamer)</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12.12</span></blockquote>shamdeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17902508082777962938noreply@blogger.com0